Okay...

...First of all, I'm erasing yesterday from my memory, so nobody go there, please. Second of all, most of this post will be in Dutch, as the masterpiece that came in the post is just too good (and I'm too lazy to translate). If you don't do Dutch, you can opt to watch some budgies singing about chocolate. For the rest, this an actual advert that came in today:

[Quote starts]

Mr. HAYDA
Groot helderziende en medium
Helpt u bij uw moeilijke problemen, Familie, financiën, de liefde, geluk in zaken, brengt de partner weer terug, evenals bescherming tegen slechte invloeden en trouw tussen gehuwden en vrienden, genezing van fysieke en geestelijke problemen, wat je nodig hebt als partner weg is, je verlorene terugwinnen.
Onmiddelijk resultaat, snelle en doeltreffende afhandeling.
Werkt serieus en geheim. Goed resultaat en maak je geen zorgen, aarzel nooit naar mij toe te komen.

[Phone numbers (local and mobile) omitted]

Find happines and protect yourself from evil. The world today is cruel.
Resultaat in 4 dagen.

[Quote ends]

So, what exactly are 'makkelijke problemen'?, and does 'Helpt u bij uw [...] familie' mean that he'll 'take care' of them, or take care of them 'thuiszorg'-style? I can already see the guy dragging your partner back from some forlorn place (or in such a mood) hard-handedly. Why he wants to protect against fidelity between partners is a bit of a puzzler, unless I'm seeing the 'what you need when your partner's away' in the wrong context...